What are the common reasons why people become romance scammers?

Scammers' motivations are complex, ranging from economic to psychological reasons [1]. Some face **financial pressure** due to rising costs and turn to scamming to survive, viewing it as a way to turn a bad situation around rather than being criminals [2]. A **scarcity mindset**, linked to limited resources, can also drive people to desperate measures, pushing them to hoard or compete [2, 3]. Additionally, **social environments** where scamming is normalized or practiced by their circles can make it seem appealing [4]. Some scammers, particularly seasoned ones, may also have **psychological issues**, exhibiting very little empathy or remorse, and relishing power and control over victims [4].

How can I identify the signs of a potential romance scammer?

You should be aware and look out for several signs [5]. Scammers often use **authority** to seem credible, claiming to be from an agency or company as bait [5]. They employ **emotional manipulation**, claiming love to gain control and take advantage of victims' feelings [6]. A common tactic is creating **false urgency** to pressure victims into quick, uninformed decisions [6]. They may also use **threats** for coercion, sometimes claiming a position of authority [7]. **Unexpected contact** from a stranger asking for sensitive information is a major warning sign [7]. Be wary of **suspicious requests** for personal details, especially in online dating contexts, as even legitimate institutions rarely ask for them outside of formal processes [8]. **Excessive payments** or claims that you unknowingly purchased something using their account, often with manipulated receipts, are also red flags [8, 9]. Finally, be cautious of **unrealistic stories** or details that seem too good to be true; listen to your gut if something feels suspicious [9].

What should I do if I believe I'm interacting with a romance scammer?

While blocking and reporting is standard advice, scammers are clever and find new tactics [10]. One way to deal with them, without compromising ethics or breaking the law, is to apply a 'reverse scamming' approach [1, 11]. This involves **not giving in** to their requests, such as blackmail demands, as complying only encourages further extortion [11]. Instead, act like they have the upper hand initially [11]. **Prolong conversations** to counter their speed, inserting nonsensical elements or faking naivety to keep their attention and time while making them think you're not onto them [11, 12]. Crucially, **look out for inconsistencies** in their stories and details, as cracks will show, and observe their reactions [12]. You can also **give false information** about yourself to provide false leads [13]. Remember, the goal is not revenge, but focusing on your safety, educating yourself, gathering evidence, and protecting yourself [13].

Why is it recommended to gather evidence and prolong conversations with a scammer?

Prolonging conversations with a scammer is a technique to counter their usual speed and keep their time and attention on you [11, 12]. You can insert irrelevant questions or statements, or even fake naivety, so they don't realize you suspect them [12]. While doing this, you should **look out for inconsistencies** in their stories and details, as these 'cracks' will eventually appear [12]. Observing inconsistencies and their reactions helps you get ahead of their game [12]. This approach allows you to catch the scammer red-handed and gather evidence, which can back up your case later [11, 13]. Applying these pointers helps boost your online security and keeps scammers from knowing what you're doing [13].

Should I give money or personal information if a potential partner uses threats or demands payment?

No, you should **not comply** with requests for money or sensitive information, especially if accompanied by threats or demands [7, 8, 11]. Scammers often use threats as a highly effective coercive tactic [7]. If someone is blackmailing you or threatening to publicize compromising photos in exchange for money, **do not give in** [11]. Complying will only lead to further extortion [11]. Requests for personal and sensitive details, especially from unexpected contacts or in online dating contexts, often link to scams [7, 8]. Legitimate entities typically do not request such information outside of secure, formal processes [8]. Your main concern should be your safety and protecting yourself [13]. Instead of giving in, the source suggests techniques like prolonging conversation and giving false information to gather evidence, but the core principle is not to give them what they want [11, 13].

Turning the Tables: How to Scam a Scammer

Woman paying close attention to potential scammers

This is how to scam a scammer right under their noses.

Think fast: How should you deal with scammers?

If your answer is to block and report them, you’re correct. After all, you’re not the judge, jury, and executioner.

But nowadays, those methods aren’t enough to stop scammers. They’ve become more clever with their tricks, finding new tactics to continue their deceptions.

Arming ourselves with knowledge and avoiding interactions with them sometimes won’t cut it. While we can’t pass out sentences, we can further justice and better protect ourselves from scammers. One way to do that is by beating them at their own game.

No, this doesn't mean taking their money. You can counter them without compromising your ethics or violating the law. With that, here's how to scam a scammer:

Why Do People Scam?

To beat a scammer, you need to be one or two steps ahead of them. But you’re not a mind reader.

Since you can’t know what they’re thinking, familiarize yourself with their motivations to try and foresee how they’ll operate.

For scammers, their actions are a means to an end. But their reasons are complex, ranging from economic to psychological.

Financial pressure

Inflation shows no signs of stopping. Goods and services are becoming so expensive that some can’t afford to live. Caught in a pinch, they resort to scamming.

They know there are consequences, but they do it to survive. From their perspective, they’re not criminals; they’re just regular people trying to turn a bad situation around.

Scarcity mindset

Piggybacking on reason #1, rising costs cause limited availability of resources. This issue can drive people to adopt a scarcity mindset.

They hyperfixate on their lack of resources and believe they must hoard and compete with others to compensate. This pushes them to choose desperate measures or lose control over their impulses.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, the term was used to describe the stress and anxiety experienced by people with incomes below the federal poverty threshold.

However, the scarcity mindset goes beyond finances. It extends to other areas of life, such as relationships.

Social settings or environments

Some may have found scamming appealing because of their surrounding environments. The people they interact with or live with may be operating an online dating scam. If not, the people in their circles may have normalized them, making them appear more acceptable.

Psychological issues

Normal people don’t cause or prolong someone’s misery. But scammers, especially seasoned ones, usually have a different psyche.

They have very little empathy and remorse. They get drunk on power and control, relishing in their victims’ suffering. They don’t care what happens; their only concern is getting what they want.

Signs of a Scammer

Some scammers have mastered their art so well that they go unnoticed. However, you can’t turn things around if you fall for their trap.

Be aware and look out for signs that someone’s a scammer.

Use of authority

Nothing reflects credibility more than the use of authority. Scammers try to seem genuine and reputable to get people to break down their walls. They claim they’re from an agency or company, but it’s just bait.

Man looking out for signs of a scammer on dating apps

Keep your eyes peeled for signs of a scammer.

Emotional manipulation

Scammers want to wrap their victims around their fingers. To gain control, they claim to love them. It’s easier to take advantage of someone if feelings are in play. Don’t fall for this kind of emotional manipulation.

False urgency

Scammers don’t want their victims to get ahead of them. Ever the clever bunch, they create a false sense of urgency to corner them into making quick and uninformed decisions.

Threats

Emotional appeals aren’t the only way to coerce victims. Few things are as intimidatingly effective as threats. Using this tactic, scammers claim to be someone in a position of authority and send a warning for non-compliance with their requests.

Unexpected contact

Of all the signs on this short list, this may be the easiest to spot.

Say you received a message from a stranger asking you for sensitive information. That alone should be enough of a warning. Don’t reply. Let them take the hint and leave you alone.

Suspicious requests

Requests for personal and sensitive details often link to an online dating scam. Even the most legitimate banks won’t request them unless it’s through a form or in person. Don’t give out anything that’ll set you up for loss.

Excessive payments

Even the most generous person can turn out to be a scammer. They’ll grant you access to subscription-based services and apps. But in a few weeks or so, they’ll message you saying that you unknowingly purchased something using their account. What’s concerning is that they have “proof.”

Scammers will present you with receipts. Unfortunately, with the right tools, anyone can manipulate or create something out of nothing. Don’t let a shoddy editing job trick you into sending money you’ll never see again.

Unrealistic stories

Are their details too good to be true? You may be interacting with a scammer. Listen to your gut when it tells you something's suspicious, and take everything the other person says and does with a grain of salt.

How to Scam a Scammer

Being a victim of scamming sucks. Not only do you lose money, but your peace of mind as well. Regardless of whether you recover your finances, you can’t take back your experience. You might as well take advantage of it.

With that said, catch your scammer red-handed to back up your case. Here’s how to pull off a reverse scamming operation:

#1: Don't give in.

Say someone is blackmailing you. They’re threatening to publicize your compromising photos. In exchange, they want you to send them a certain amount.

Don’t comply with their request. They’ll only extort you more. Instead, here’s how to get rid of blackmail: act like they have the upper hand.

#2: Prolong the conversations.

If scammers move quickly, counter their tempo by taking it slow. Drag conversations out to keep them from going full-throttle.

Insert nonsensical elements, like irrelevant questions or weird statements, to keep their time and attention on you. You can also fake naivety so they won’t know you’re onto them.

#3: Look out for inconsistencies.

Scammers will try their hardest to keep up their act. But the cracks will show up eventually. Get ahead of the game by keeping an eye out for holes in their stories and details.

Don’t stop at inconsistencies. Look out for their reactions as well. Your observations will come in handy when it’s time to bust them.

#4: Give false information.

If scammers can lie, then so can you. Give them a taste of their own medicine by sharing false information about yourself. This will provide false leads, sending them nowhere (or perhaps to law enforcement) without even knowing it.

…

As exciting as it sounds, learning how to scam a scammer shouldn’t be a medium for revenge or punishment. Your main concern should be your safety. Focus on educating, gathering evidence, and protecting yourself.

Apply this entry’s pointers to boost your security online. Scammers won’t know what’ll hit them.

Reference:

Cleveland Clinic. 2022. “Scarcity Mindset: Causes and How To Overcome It.” Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/scarcity-mindset.